Talking Around It: How To Have Conversations About Assisted Living

I know you do and that’s great! One medicine mix-up can still be dangerous. I want you to have good days for a good long time. At a senior community, a team member could easily check behind you and give you a gentle reminder if something slips. They can help you know which ones are needed with meals or bedtime. You’d have support when we can’t be with you.

You are absolutely right. We’re not talking about a nursing home. We’re thinking about something like Calyx Living. You would have your own space, chef-made meals, daily activities, gorgeous outdoor spaces, and fun things like book clubs, painting classes, even wine tastings. There would be people who like to do things similar to you.

We think you’ll actually be more independent than you are now. You’ll have help when you need it – without having to wait on me or anyone else.

We can try that if you’d like. The catch is that you’ll still be alone a lot of the time. You’ve always been so active and social. I hate seeing you here alone when you could be doing things you enjoy with others.

We also want to think about what that will cost. You’ll have all of your current expenses, plus the added cost of having someone come in to help you. We should weigh that against the cost of a full service senior living community like Calyx Living. 

That’s a great question. None of us will make you stay somewhere you don’t want to be. We’re talking about it now so we can do the research together. We can tour communities, go to multiple events, and really get a sense of what it would be like before your make a move. We’re lucky right now because you’re pretty healthy and there is no emergency.

At places like Calyx Living, you can get a month-to-month agreement so you can try it with no string attached. In talking with mine and your friends, I bet we’ll see people you know who were giving it a test and now say they wish they moved in a lot sooner. 

The cost of a senior or assisted living community is definitely something we’ll need to consider. You’ve done a good job with your finances and you’re covering a fair amount of monthly expenses that you may not even be thinking about.

We can start a worksheet and compare all of your daily and monthly expenses to a place that provides more comprehensive care, like Calyx Living. From what I’m learning, we might be surprised to realize that a senior community is more affordable than we think.

I’m not 100% sure that it is. I do feel like the amount of care and what she needs is changing. I’m concerned about her health and daily needs, but also how isolated and lonely she’s become. 

I’m suggesting that we start exploring options from in-home support to a more engaged community like Calyx Living. I’d like us to do this now before there is an emergency or an event that forces a change.

I think mom needs the best care we can offer and I’m not sure exactly what that is. To me that means making sure she’s safe, happy, and getting the medical, social, and physical support she needs. I know things are changing because she can’t easily handle many of the things she used to.

I also know that we are not trained or skilled in this. What if her needs change? We work full time, we both have families, and with neither of us living really close by, it’s becoming a lot. 

I think we can get by for a while, but for mom to live out her best life, to thrive and get the support she needs… I believe all of us need to consider exploring additional help and assisted living communities.

I’ve heard a few comments. Mom has said she’s struggling with getting stuff done around the house. Then when she had that little fall and we didn’t know if she needed medical help. That’s really been on my mind. If she was in an assisted living community, they could help with that. 

She also seems so lonely and barely wants to go out unless we say she has to. Having built-in activities and people to do things with might make her happier. 

Something else… the parents of some of my friends and co-workers are exploring this kind of change. Some of them love the move in ways they never thought. I’m just starting to think about it and am asking for all of us to explore it.

My mind isn’t made, I don’t know what’s best, and this is a big, emotional decision. I want all of us to be on the same page and do this together. I bet we have more in common than you might think. I suspect we both want mom to be able as healthy and have as much independence as she can.

What if we both do some research and share what we find with each other? There is a lot to consider from location and services to costs and if we can even get a spot at a place we all - especially mom - would agree to try.

I understand that. There are so many memories in that house. It’s going to be hard for all of us. That’s a primary reason I’m talking to you now. 

I’m worried mom can’t keep this place up like they used too. It’s a lot for one person. I also don’t want them to be lonely or for there to be a fall or something else that forces our hand.

It’s always going to be tough to leave the house. If we make a move to an assisted living community like Calyx Living, we can make their new space feel like home with her furniture, pictures, and other familiar items. I want your help exploring this now before something happens and forces a move.

I don’t know. I don’t actually know what assisted living costs or how it compares to having someone come in to help. From what I hear, assisted living facilities can be more affordable than we think especially when we add up all the costs around keeping mom safe at home. 

Places places like Calyx Living have tours and resources to help families understand costs, services, activities, all of what they offer. Let’s explore it, learn about services, and see how much assisted living in our area costs.